1.13 Podcast Transcript

00:00

But the problem is, is I'm also a perpetual self-sabotager and I realize that about myself now. And I'm ADHD and OCD. And so when I put a hard bowl with a hard deadline, I obsess over every single little detail. Welcome to Velvet Ventures. Where we talk about life, marriage, and the pursuit of entrepreneurship. I'm Ben. And I'm Channing.

00:28

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00:56

So if you want to free up some time, check out Benson's Home Maintenance. They're not just a sponsor, but they're a recommendation from one homeowner to another. Welcome, welcome. This episode, we're going to be talking about goal setting, why we have kind of steered away from hardcore goal setting. And I think we're going to touch on a little bit of marketing if we have time. But I think today we really want to kind of touch on.

01:25

You know, when with goal setting, at least for my experience was when you first start getting into the realm of entrepreneurship, leadership, all these kinds of things, it's like, it's a huge hype word. Yeah. You know, it's, it's like manifestation, like we talked about on a previous episode where, you know, it's, it's what's buzzworthy, what's kind of trending and you know, it's, it's not, it's not for everyone.

01:55

And I think it just depends on your style. Like you can either help you or it can drastically tear you down and make you feel incompetent. And so on this one, we kind of, I think we want to kind of touch on how it's affected us and how and why we don't really focus on that anymore. And that's not our.

02:20

So I mean we used to set not just hard goals but hard deadlines. And what that did was because I'm the eternal optimist in most situations, I'd shoot really high based on increased averages. And that average might be true, but because of the way that I choose to do sales and not

02:49

cold calling, like I don't, I don't approach sales in the traditional way. And so our numbers kind of go like this. Some months we might have six or seven and the next we have two, but we were always shooting off like the four. And so when we would hit our targets, whether we were close or not, when we wouldn't hit them, it made me feel like we had failed. Like I had failed. Like this was not what I was supposed to be doing. And I was supposed to go

03:17

I mean, at one point a year and a half ago, I was applying to jobs because I, I just was like, I just don't think this is what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. And that's because we were putting, and it's not that you were pressuring me to do it or anybody was pressuring. It was self imposed, right? Battles and restrictions. Yeah. And it just wasn't working. Well, I think as a, as a,

03:46

You're a business optimist because I don't feel like you're necessarily an optimist in all aspects of life. Like I don't just I would not peg you as just an optimist, but in business you definitely are when it comes to when you are in control of the efforts in which is put because I know that you're not an optimist with everybody's business or business in general. But if you're in control of what effort is put into it, you are very optimistic because you know how hard you'll work.

04:15

And, and yeah, I mean, I think as a self-proclaimed realist, you know, I, I had to let a lot of stuff go because with the goal setting, it would be what your trend was, is you would make two sales and then you would try to do a baseline based off that instead of saying like, yes, you just got two sales or you got six sales this month, but you had none two months prior.

04:41

You know, or you had so that's not even my averages. I would do the average goal setting. But the problem is, is I'm also a perpetual self sabotager. And I realize that about myself now. And I'm ADHD and OCD. And so when I put a hard goal with a hard deadline, I obsess over every single little detail. And when I do that, I'm not as effective.

05:08

And because I'm not as effective, I don't sell or I don't close or I don't build the relationships like I'm supposed to and at the frequency that I should to hit the original goal that I'd set in place. Whereas if I had just left it alone and just operated and kept doing what I'm doing, tugging along, doing the best that I can, probably would have hit those goals in that timeline. Yeah, because yeah, you're definitely, you're an extremist in that regard because like when you first started doing mix and mingle networking stuff.

05:38

It was, I'm going to go to 10 chapters a month. I'm going to do six one-to-ones a week. I'm going to do, and then it's like, and then you burn either burn yourself out. You know, or it's like, Oh, this is not feasible to continue to do. And so instead of, you know, well, what is realistic? Well, maybe it's going to four a month and maybe it's just doing one one-to-one or maybe it's just, I want to do five a month. It doesn't matter if they're all in one week or if they're spread out.

06:07

But because that's not a drastic enough goal, then it was just like, well, I just won't do any of them or I'll go to the ones that are close, but outside of that, if people come to me, cool, if not, no big deal, but I'm not going to seek that out now. And so, you know, yeah, sometimes I felt like you will, if things don't go the way that you had set that goal.

06:33

you will make excuses or sabotage the process to justify why that goal is no longer going to be hit. And instead of just saying like, hey, that's a goal I set six months ago because I thought that this is what it was, I'm going to pivot. Because it's like, no, a goal has to fail. You can't decide to just stop and say, you know what, I thought that was the goal. It's no longer the goal. Scrap it. Because that's failing instead of like, well, you know, we got a new president and then that

07:03

That affected the way... Which is not an excuse that I've used. He's just using examples. No. I'm being very extreme here because it's so asinine to blame the president on what you're doing. But anyway, but being able to give yourself that grace to say, yes, in that time, that was my goal. That is no longer my goal. My goal has now shifted to this because now I have new information. Now I have new data.

07:32

just stopped at saying like, well, we made a car. We were just trying to make a car instead of like, no, we're going to continue to push the envelope and change what the goal of a vehicle is or the goal of a computer or of a phone, you know? And so I think that giving yourself grace to let go of that goal. So I think it can be dangerous for people. When I think I was way too concerned and I still struggle with this, way too concerned with everybody else's opinion of what I was doing.

08:02

And especially of your opinion of what I do or how I operate or how I choose to make decisions inside of the businesses. And it's kind of like, since you brought up the car analogy, it's kind of like Henry Ford. He goes, they said, well, why did you do this? He goes, well, because if I would have asked them what they wanted, they would have set a faster course. They don't even know what they want. You know? And so for me, like when I concern myself too much with the outside and I let the kind of goal.

08:30

you know, culture push me into making them. Right. Or I let the manifestation culture force me into, you know, believing that I control every portion of my destiny, which my mindset controls my viewpoint of my destiny. And if I, you know, just all these different things, like if I'd follow the mainstream culture, I can sit back and feel really bad about myself and where I am and how

08:57

much further I have to go or how hard it'll be to get there. And sometimes the math of a goal is really encouraging. And other times the math of a goal is really like stops you dead in the track. Yeah. And so like right now I do have three goals up on the board and it's I need this many people in these three programs to hit this projected income. But there's absolutely no debt or date. Yeah. There's no date

09:26

assigned to them. I'm not operating any differently to hit those numbers because as soon as I change what's currently working to try and hit a number that's completely made up, pulled from the freaking sky, I'm not going to hit the number that I pulled from the sky because I changed what was currently working. Well so one thing that I've been uh in the last episode we talked about um

09:57

how I made a decision to start doing a morning devotional and how that's how I want to start my day. I don't want to do it at night. I don't want to do it in the middle of the day. And I'm not willing to… I made time. So I get up earlier so that way I have time to do this and to make that my priority because I felt a calling that I have all these things for you to do.

10:26

and I have all these blessings and I have all this stuff, but you're not putting me before everything else. Not that you're, I'm not, I was still praying. I was doing my Bible stuff. I was doing this, but maybe today was at 10 o'clock in the morning, maybe this day was at 10 at night because, oh, I got busy and didn't do it. But I felt like I was saying, I need this first. Kind of like tithing. I need you to tithe your day. So I want the first 10%. I don't want anything else.

10:55

I want that first. I don't require that. That's not a goal. It's a discipline. Right. And I've been a lot more successful. I think we both are a lot more successful when we decide to partake in new disciplines versus new goals. Right. Because like I had a goal of reading a book. And when I chose to look at it as a goal, it just didn't, it didn't attach itself. But when I decided to look at it as this is a discipline that I'm interested in,

11:25

keeping for my life, right? That sits different. I feel an obligation to that. I feel a passion for that. I feel, I feel bad when I'm not reading like I know I should be. Not because I'm not hitting the goal, but because this is the way that I choose to live my life. Just like my 10 setups and whatever. I'm choosing to have this new discipline. So when I don't do it, I mean, there was a time I went to bed.

11:52

forgot I had done it, got up out of bed and did it in the bathroom and came back to go to sleep. Because, not because I have a goal of doing this, because this is a discipline that I'm choosing to insert into my life. Right. And so, what I was saying is that I made it to where this was a discipline, not a goal. My goal is not to spend one hour doing a devotional a day. I am deciding and devoting.

12:22

the first hour of my day to do this discipline. It's not getting up and going to the gym right now. You know, this is step one. And I think that in business, because like for me, for instance, like we've had arguments about this, I fundamentally disagree with necessarily having income goals. It doesn't compute because it is completely subjective. What is income goals? To me, it's instead of, I need this many people to hit this goal,

12:52

like mine is I set out to and I don't think mine's more noble it just what makes sense for me mine is I want to help this many people and by help it's I want to help them fix the problem and I want them to pay me for it it's not noble in that I'm volunteering sure but if I were to say I want to make a hundred dollars an hour off of every person I come in contact with I I don't know if that would actually really happen or that I would feel

13:22

good about it. Sure. But when I think the difference between a discipline and a goal that I'm just realizing, a goal has an expectation at the end. A discipline is just a decision. There's no expectation. So you're not spending time with God so that you get X, Y, Z. I'm not doing 10 sit-ups so that I have a rock solid abs. I'm not reading a book a week so that I can make a million dollars or somebody pays me a million dollars at the end of the year. And that's kind

13:52

the disconnect for us, I think goals is I don't like doing something because I'm obligated to get this thing. I just like coming a better person. And I know that there will be benefits to that. Well, that's just, that's the natural occurrence. Yeah. But I burn out when I'm expecting this and I keep pushing for this and this takes longer than I think it should. I burn out. Whereas if it's just a discipline, it's just a decision that I'm making my life. Yeah.

14:19

with no expectation of an outcome one way or the other, then that'll still happen. And like, sure, in the back of my mind, I do have an income goal for us. I know what I want us to make and how, but it's more, I know what I want our lifestyle to be. And I know what I want our generational wealth to look like. That's what I don't know because I was listening to someone talk the other day and whether you make 20 million or 2 million or 20,000,

14:49

that may be the richest and happiest you will ever be. And so there is no number to happiness or to fulfillment or to any of these things. And so that's where I get so frustrated when people talk money, because for instance, I didn't grow up, I don't recall my parents ever talking about goal setting. Our goal is to be financially free. Our goal is to be followers of Christ. Our goal is to be the best person that we can be.

15:18

But it wasn't by the age of 25, you should be doing this or by this time you should be. There was none of that. Like I don't come from a culture of that. And therefore when you got super gung ho into it and you would, I think, get frustrated with me because I wasn't like. I wouldn't dive in on these goals with you and like meet you there. Um, not so much recently, but in the past that I think it was frustrating for you. Yeah. Cause it felt like you were doubting.

15:47

Right. And to me it's like, no, it's just that's not how I... You're just doubting the process. Right. It's like, I think the way that you're going about it, it's flawed. Yeah. I love the idea. Like, I want to have all the money. I want to have all the freedom and success, and I want to have all that. But I'm not going to tie... because I know I'm not going to tie a time frame. I'm not going to tie a... well, by the time I'm there... because you know what? I mean, that's where God would just say like...

16:17

show you that that's not what I have. My goals were false idols. Yeah, you're worshiping the goal. You're worshiping the end goal. It was my first thought, it was my last thought, it was my middle thought, it was my obsession. I look at building wealth and building what we are dreaming of as like raising children. Like, yes, you can't wait to see what they are when they're 10. And yes, you can't wait to see what they are when they're 30. But like, you wouldn't give up.

16:46

today to see that. Would you like in my mind, I always thought growing up and so like, oh, I just can't wait till I'm an adult and I'm have a million dollars in the bank. I'll be happy. That'll be awesome. But like all the things that we've gone through and all the life that I've lived, like I wouldn't have given that up. And it's the same thing I kind of look at with goals and stuff is it's like if you tie a day on it, you lose focus of the in-between. You can say you don't and you can say like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I live in the moment. Like I have this goal, but I live in the moment.

17:16

But your mind, you dream about that end goal. And I'm a firm believer in that you can say all you want all day long. No, no, no. I live day to day. I'm in the process. But if when we talk about things, and this isn't necessarily you but just people, but when you talk about things, you always reference when I'm 30 and I have my condo in Miami and I'm married to... So you're not necessarily focused on... Like you operate.

17:45

in the day to day. But that's not where you live. You're living somewhere where it's completely made up and you may not be there. Well, and I think a lot of times for our own safety until we learn how to be fulfilled and where we are, God's not going to just dump the blessings of the future on us. Yeah. Because it's still not going to fulfill us. Like nothing from this plane can fulfill us. And so when that's what we're chasing after is fulfillment, right?

18:13

of freaking hamster wheel for so long because I was chasing after something that it wouldn't have mattered if I had caught it. It wouldn't have done what I wanted it to do. Right. Well, and I think, you know, and because we are both in sales to some degree, you know, if you, and this is my observation and this is the research I've done, the people I've listened to, whatever, can confirm this, that, you know, let's say that you set yourself, say that you're working in an industry that you used to work in.

18:43

where it's very heavily pushed to hit quotas. So let's say that you have a, today I'm gonna sell $3,000 worth of X. Guess who you're probably gonna come off as to everybody that you come in contact with? You're a number, you're a means to an end for me to check my box for the day. You- I mean, we had a presentation that we watched the other day that literally started with, since I need to start

19:12

Saving for my retirement. I've started doing this. Yeah, you should buy this from so I have residual it Guess what? I am 1000% not going to do I'm like literally like What and that was word for word, right? What was I'm like what how? Disrespectful right one thing much how big do your balls have to be to?

19:39

think people would want to work with you when you literally just said, I'm only doing this to look out for myself. The thing that I am very much aware of today that I don't even think I was this aware of, you know, two weeks ago, is that I am becoming more and more, you know, I'm becoming more and more aware and just the realization that...

20:08

You know, God is in complete control and I have changed my mindset and my words every single day of all I do is I pray for the opportunity. That's all I ask for. I don't, I'm not asking for, you know, a specific dollar amount or to do whatever. Because then whenever I go in and I talk to do a consultant work with someone, or

20:38

know, give an estimate on something. Like I'm not thinking, okay, how can I get the most money out of this person? In fact, sometimes let me talk you out of doing this or hey, here's the cheapest, like we can absolutely get you an estimate for to fix this like this. But also you just made a comment that makes me believe that you're okay with it being not like that and we can get you fixed up 100% to fully functioning.

21:06

but the aesthetics are going to be slightly different, but it's probably going to be...

21:12

over half the cost, or less than half the cost. And so then it comes down to… then it's just about aesthetics. And so those are the kind of conversations I have, and I try to be very… and I don't do it as reverse psychology. It's just I try to change the posture of my heart, and then that's what has changed and what comes out. And then again, God just provides. And it's…

21:41

Hey, you know what? Let's go. I want to go ahead and do it this way. Hey, while you're here, like here's these other 15 things, you know? And so by changing that and not because again, I don't know what our goal. I don't know. I don't have a number in mind. Like I have numbers. I want to have millions in the bank. Like that's all. And that by bank, I can, you know, whatever we, whatever vehicle we have that money in. I just want that because that just buys me options and freedom.

22:09

Outside of that, like, I don't necessarily have a goal like, is that 2 million or is that 200 million?

22:16

I'll take whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just here to operate. And so, I hope that I'm being very diligent in my thoughts, how I'm thinking, how I'm presenting myself, and just being authentic and true to what I'm being called to do, and how I'm being called to do it.

22:39

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23:09

Join the Dowlery Flow community and experience the future of CRM. Get ready to supercharge your business and unlock your full potential with Dowlery Flow CRM. For more information, there's a link below this episode. Because at the end of the day, it's like, the more and more- And that's really all that we've ever structured our businesses after. Because I mean, there's a lot of, most of the people in my industry, when it comes to the brokerage, they do not understand.

23:35

why I do it the way that I do it. They do not agree with it. They don't think it's right. I've even had people tell me like, well, that's irresponsible if you're not reminding them when it's close to their deadline and blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not their mom. I'm not gonna force them. I'm not gonna pressure them. I'm not gonna do it. You can think I'm wrong. You can think I'm stupid. But this is the way that I'm being called to operate this business. And that's the way that I'm going to do it. And I'm not going to change that. Until I feel called

24:04

to do something differently, I'm not going to change the way that I'm doing. Right. Well, and so like for me, I've come to realize and I feel like now I can just kind of, now I kind of have the words, but one of the reasons that I would get so frustrated with you and like how you operated your brokerage and how you even just did up being it can in perpetuity to me, but for now it makes sense why I'm like, why does it frustrate me so much?

24:33

that because i'll give you like you'll say something like man i have a back from so-and-so like why are this new thing like here's a good follow-up you know and whatever because again as a guy and typically it's you have a problem i will try supply a fix but not tell you how to do it but i'll supply you with other people who talk about it but what i've come to realize and the reason it frustrated me is because how much you talked about fast growth but yet you weren't willing to put fertilizer on your crop

25:02

Because that's what a lot of these tactics are, is it's fertilizer, you know, to do this. If you want to grow natural plants, it just takes time. And so I would get very frustrated and burnt out on the, you know, well all I need is this and I need it in 10 months and then this will happen. It's like, sure. You know, and so that's why I think subconsciously I knew that you wanted to grow fast but I knew that you probably thought it was unethical to apply fertilizer to your...

25:31

organic non-GMO plants, but you were being driven crazy because your plants weren't growing fast enough. And so I'm like, either learn to be patient or apply the fertilizer. But like one of those things has to happen because it just doesn't going to happen one way or the other. And so I think that that's what was a very simplified version of like, why did it bug me so much? Sure. Why did it get under my skin? When most of my frustration didn't come waiting from

26:01

It came from, or at least not over the last 12 months. Like now it doesn't bug me. I send out a proposal. It is what it is. You get back with me or you don't. It doesn't bug me either way. But when somebody said yes, and they're difficult to get enrollment from, that drives me crazy. And that's just more like the breakdown of communication is what's frustrating. It's not that like they could decide the next day, like nevermind, I don't wanna do it. Okay, no problem. Like that wouldn't irritate me, the loss of the income.

26:30

But the breakdown of communication, the disorganization of an enrollment, that will drive me crazy. Right. And yes, it's not near as bad now. But yeah, before you started Dowry and you had something else to do and you were just focused on the brokerage and you would sit there and just talk about being a million dollar brokerage in the next year or two, I'm like, not the way that you're doing it. I'm not saying that God can't make that happen. Well, and I think that's just where my expectation was. It...

26:59

none of them math, math, but I knew what I felt and I know that it will be there. And I have definitely just been getting taught patience because it didn't happen the way that I thought or as quick as I was wanting. But I think sometimes I communicate in a way that sounds

27:29

And I mean, used to we we weren't, you know, two years ago, we weren't as open about our relationships with God. Like you had yours and I had mine. Right. But that's not something that we talked about. Right. And so I'd come to you and tell you these things and you'd go, OK, what an idiot. That doesn't make any sense. Like never think I know. But that's how it felt, though. The the the wall that I would hit with you and.

27:59

then I would go back going, oh yeah, I mean that does sound stupid because it doesn't make any sense. But I know that, I know this. Right. I know it doesn't make sense, but I know this. Yeah. And I think the reason why, again this is in the moment self-reflection, I think the reason why that bugged me is because I felt like you were putting a time limit on God's calling. Yeah, that's fair. I was. Because to me it's like,

28:26

I 100% think that that's true, and if you're feeling called that that's what's supposed to happen, you're right. But you just said 12 months, which means that you just told God, hey, that thing that you called me for? I think that I justified it by putting numbers on it because it didn't feel, because it's not how we talk. I didn't feel like you were going to understand if I just said, I don't know when, I don't know how, all I know is this is how I'm supposed to do it, and this is what God's telling me.

28:55

And so it is what it is. You can have your feelings about it. That's totally fine. But like, yeah, this is what it is. Yeah. And I don't I didn't feel like you were going to be receptive because that's just not how we discussed things. Yeah, a year ago. Well, like I come from, you know, with mom and dad very God fearing and like you don't test God. Like the only thing he ever said that you can test him in is your finances. And so specifically the pipe, right? But we weren't doing that at the time.

29:24

faithfully and and yeah, I mean when it first was all going on I'm like I'm just over here like waiting to get hit by lightning because I just feel like you are testing you're testing you're testing you're pushing you're pushing you're pushing and to me it just felt like you are just trying to push a boulder way bigger than you up a hill and

29:49

And I think that I just, I know that I did not know how to gracefully and respectfully tell you that you're wrong or let me tell you why I think what you're doing, you're fighting an uphill battle. And maybe it could have saved us some hard away, then that would have broken maybe the lines of communication and we could have had this dialogue. But I don't think that's how we were ready. I don't think that's how it was supposed to happen because if I knew that you didn't believe in me, I would have given up.

30:18

Yeah. And it's not, I wasn't supposed to give up. Right. I'm doing exactly what I was supposed to do. And so I think it happened exactly how it goes to happen. Yeah, absolutely. If I had communicated effectively and you had communicated what you were feeling, I wouldn't have had the naivety, if you will, to continue to go. I would have just given up and gone and worked another W-2 and just gotten stuck in the cog and been absolutely miserable and unfulfilled and...

30:46

eventually resented the fact that you didn't believe in me. Yeah. And instead...

30:53

Because I kept going with, I mean, if nothing else, Dallery came from BHM. If nothing else, Benson's came from BHM. And so BHM, although it hasn't stood on its own like we were hoping it was, it's still a huge success. And look at the life that it has been able to provide us. There's additional income sources there, but look at the life that has come because I was naive enough to keep going because we didn't communicate effectively in that moment.

31:24

I think it's just important to to say that but this wasn't my goal So again if we had set a goal right by the goal standards we have failed Yeah, well, and I think that but by a discipline standard we have won. Yeah Well, and I think for me personally, it's definitely We're we're on the I feel like we're on the upswing even if it's not like hey, you know what? We're at our income goals. We're at our this rather but for me, it's like i'm

31:53

I'm seeing and I'm feeling more and more at my peace calling. You know where it's like, I hate the fact that we are in some of these situations or that some of these things are happening the way that they are. I hate that. But I'm at peace with it and knowing that this is all part of a plan. I don't have to love every step of the plan. I don't have to love every view of the trip. But

32:21

if I can come to peace with the fact that this too shall pass and this is a stepping stone and this isn't the finality of my life, our life, it's a lot more comforting to know and just knowing that tomorrow's a different day. Sure. And... Well, and we needed every single one of the skills that we went through to be where we are now. Yeah. Because if BHM hadn't have struggled, you wouldn't have gone to work and done estimating and been in a...

32:50

based field to then have the confidence and the skills to operate Vincents 100% independently. Right. And I wouldn't have had the skills with the CRM had I not had to go through eight with BHM. And I wouldn't have had to go through eight with BHM if I could have just immediately afforded the top of the line. Right. And so I mean literally, you know, the Providence, if you look back it all makes sense. Right. And so I

33:17

I just now I choose to be naive in some situations. Like I understand that Dallar could be a lot further if I made different decisions. But I'm going to do what I feel called to do in the way that I feel called to do it. Because I know regardless that even in the struggle, I'm learning things that I need for the future. And as long as I just keep doing what I'm supposed to do, then there's nothing that can take me off of the providence of God. You know, like I'm, we're going to get there.

33:46

It's just not going to look as glamorous and as quick as I thought. Right. Well, and I think that that's part of the, you know, of this whole, the goal setting, et cetera, is that, you know, if we set a goal and we hit it, we don't know what else was out there. I would have quit. If I'd hit a goal, if I had landed the two groups that I was aiming for, year one of BHM, I would have been done for the year.

34:16

But I think for me, you know, it's like, yes, I wake up every day or I, you know, I do what I do with the hope of getting clients and with the drive of doing X, Y, and Z. But I think for both of us, it's not like, again, because I honestly, like I have no income or client goals for Benson's because I could have four clients that spend a bunch of money or I could have a hundred small clients who don't, you know, so I'm like, it's not up to me.

34:45

Like I just need to be diligent in doing my work. And, and for me, you know, if things were just up to me, like I would be doing things differently, but I think as long as we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, you know, cause my goal is to put a different spin on this industry, you know, and to get away from the taboo word of handyman because everybody thinks that, and I always just go.

35:13

it's Randy in his panel van with the ladder on top with paint stains everywhere and smells like Marlboro Reds. You know, like that is the image. Like when you say ketchup, you think Heinz. When you say handyman, you think of Randy in the van. And I want to play some part of changing the narrative of what that means. And so showing up professionally, being professional,

35:40

in all aspects as best as possible with the resources that we have. Like that's, that's my goal. It's not a certain dollar amount or client number or zip code to operate in, but that's the goal. And so as long as I'm furthering that professionalism in the industry, just like yours with the insurance stuff was to be ethical and to be transparent, you know?

36:10

Are you going to go in there and turn that industry on its head? Probably not. Like it's just, it's bigger than you, but your contribution is not in vain. You know, you have made an impact on people directly or indirectly, whether that's, yeah, I mean, there's some big interns people that you worked with in the beginning who, you know, I don't think that you necessarily have a hundred percent credit, but I think that.

36:39

even if you were one nail in that coffin, you were part of them leaving and pursuing other things. Yeah. And so... Well, I mean, even right now I'm working behind the scenes taking down a giant. Right. Silently, but slowly. Right. But I'm not going to give up on that battle and I'm going to continue to do what's right, even if it's scary. Even if it's a...

37:04

big giant boulder that's way bigger than me, like I'm going to continue to push that thing uphill. Right. Well, it's the whole just chip away. But when people just say like, I'm going to go disrupt an industry, it's like, I mean, depending on the industry, it's like, no, you're not. And if you go into it, that goal, you're going to probably fail. What you should do is I'm going to make the biggest impact that I can on this industry. To me, I feel like that's a much more.

37:34

noble and worthy cause than just I'm gonna go piss a bunch of people off. Like you may have the right heart going into it but I mean frankly it's like these people have been around for a hundred plus years. Do you think that you're gonna just come in and do this? Like your goal is to come in here and destroy? You know and it's like while your goal may be noble, you know the way in which that you're talking about going about, not you, but you know...

38:04

I don't think it's sustainable and then you're not going to hit your goal when you thought you were going to hit it and then you're just going to peter out. That was not a waste of time but could be. But I think as long as you can just make a decision on I'm going to devote this habit, this change and not, you know, set a goal and then keep moving it.

38:34

You know?

38:39

I definitely think that discipline works better. Yeah. Now, we still use the word goal. Like in, in Dalerie, when we sit with a client, we talk about goal one, goal two, goal three. Really those are decision points. But we don't use the word decision point because people don't know how to relate to that because it's new. But it's, it's not a goal, it's a decision. You want to do all three at once? Or do you want to just start with one and then move to two and three?

39:08

And then once we've hit those three, what's the next step to propel the mission forward? But really those are decision points. So well, I think you have to use some of that language. And I think that also like goals can be a little bit different and you can still use that vernacular when you're talking about a one-time thing. Like my goal is to would be to like get the Christmas set up over the weekend. You know, that's a goal. That's not necessarily a decision. I mean, it can be, I guess, but like you can still use those kinds of words of like, my goal is to get through all these things today.

39:38

or within this timeframe when they're like realistic, but like I wanna lose 30 pounds in 30 days as a goal, like what? You know, like those aren't good things. It could just be, I'm gonna make a decision to be healthier, you know? And you can still have an idea of like, this is my target weight, this is my this, but like just to shed, just cause that's such a popular one, but also that's why, you know, 90% of people aren't

40:07

following through their New Year's weight resolutions by week two. You know, it's because it's just, it's not realistic. Yeah. Well, it's too far off. Right. And I think that more people, so John Acuff, he, his whole podcast is about goal setting. And so, but he also implements a lot of grace in that, you know, and, and they have some good guests on and stuff that, that talk about, you know, how to handle when you miss goals, how to properly set them up. And just how to be successful.

40:37

in the execution of them, whether they're short or long term goals. But that's a good one. All it takes is a goal is his name of his podcast. And it's, you know, he has some good stuff. And I mean, there's some stuff on there that I disagree with, but, you know, I mean, that's what works for him and, and who he works with. Like there's clearly thousands of people that, that he coaches and follows and speaks to and stuff. So

41:06

I just think it's all about your heart and your, the motive. Well, I think everybody's got to find their swing. And I think sometimes there's certain avenues of these things in business that are so loud, that if you go against them, it can feel like you're wrong. And there's really no such thing as wrong. It's just what's gonna fit best with you. And sometimes it's what fits best with you for that season. Right.

41:33

I mean, you might have a season where you need goals to hold yourself accountable so that you do feel like crap if you do miss them. But so we're not saying that goals are bad. We're just saying at this point in our life, goals is not something that we do. We do decisions, we do disciplines, and we do actions, but we don't set finite dated goals. Yeah. Well, those are just the things that we've learned in coming from former goal setters to...

42:03

now decision makers and you know kind of the reasoning behind why we've how we've grown out of that is how we feel. When also I just realized so when I was trying to run and you know I had a goal of running once a week and I then would set a goal on how how far I was going to run and that caused me to not listen to my body and I'd end up injured even more injured because of my injuries and arthritis and everything.

42:30

And I was so down on myself when I didn't do it the way that I had originally set out. Right. But now, when I'm doing my setups or pushups or whatever and my body still hurts, because it's that broken down, instead of being down on myself and being like, oh, come on, you idiot, like, it's just 10 freaking pushups, like, what's wrong with you? I find myself saying, I can do it. It's only 10. I can do it. It's only 10. You know, same with the books. Like, I can do it. It's just 50 pages. Right.

42:59

And so it's just for me, it's just a lot more encouraging mentally. And I'm a lot kinder to myself, right? Following through with disciplines than I am with goals. Yeah. Just like, I mean, I haven't. Drank in four months. Five months. About five months. It was before we moved here. Anyways, about four or five months, something like that. And.

43:23

The last two years I hadn't drank during the summer for three to four months baths and I'd said, a goal I'm not gonna drink for X amount of time. And so then it was beating myself up or whatever in between and then going, oh great, we hit the goal. Now we can just drink like crazy. And now it's like, this is just a discipline that I'm choosing to have in my life right now. I don't feel pressure, I don't feel like I'm a bad person, I don't feel like you're forcing me, I don't feel any kind of way about it, I've not missed it.

43:53

at all and I have no problem still going to the speakeasy or whatever and everybody else can I don't feel like I'm missing out or like it's just it's different when it was a goal and I'd go to wine night and I didn't drink I felt very isolated yeah but since this is just a discipline that I'm choosing to have it doesn't feel isolating at all yeah and so it's just disciplines are serving me much better and

44:22

I suspect that they probably always will for me and my life. Right. Thanks for turning into the velvet ventures. If you'd like more information about who we are, what we do, or you want to follow us or any of our companies, then feel free to check out the link below. Other than that, thank you so much to our sponsors for making this episode possible. See you next time.